if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can text with my tongue
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
