Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
