Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize