God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
