Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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