His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
