I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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