I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize