okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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