He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Floor bacon is actually really good
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
