I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
