He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
