I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
