At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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