My room smells like vodka and shame
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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