and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
