scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
