I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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