Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
