Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
