I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
