He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
