we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
