thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
