well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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