i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize