Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
