Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love having hate sex.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
