is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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