It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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