He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
