Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
