did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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