It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
