I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
