YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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