I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
