What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
