I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
