TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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