its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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