Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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