well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My life is pants optional.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize