I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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