I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we're making bets on your personal life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
