Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
