I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
