no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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