well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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