worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
