first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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