I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize