Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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