Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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