Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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