Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
