sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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