if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
