btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
