I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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