cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
