got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize