he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
