Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
