I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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