its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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