i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
