he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
