i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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