I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
