dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
