I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
