Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
