How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize