Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
