She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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