how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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