Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
